I Will Never...

I can't tell you how many times I have uttered this phrase. "I will never..." then fill in the blank. It's embarrassing, really, to think of all the things I thought I would never concede to doing - and now I am in the thick of those things! Here are a few of the "I will never's" that stick out in my mind:

1. I will never...marry a pastor or youth pastor. I shook my finger and adamantly proclaimed this to my BFF Sarah Brueggemann at the wise age of 13. I wanted nothing to do with a life that involved inconvenient hours and a life of serving others (I know, I sound like a total gem don't I?). I couldn't help but smile at this memory when Nate and I met and fell in love. I am SO GLAD that God brought us together and that we have been allowed to serve in youth ministry. Sure things haven't always been easy - but no matter what your career path or ministry is, there will always be challenges. I have seen God work in so many amazing ways - many times in the lives of students. I am so thankful for our years with them and the ways they have changed my life!

2. I will never....let my kid throw a tantrum in the checkout at the grocery store. Just last week we quieted an entire Hyvee storefront. Ruby had been trying to run away from me so I plopped her tushie in the cart, strapped her in, and was determined to leave the store with our items (we were out of toilet paper - I didn't have many options). As fellow customer's heads turned to stare as her screams and shrieks filled the air I strode calmly to our checkout, reminded Ruby that attempted escapes in the store would not be tolerated and LET HER SCREAM. That's right - she wailed the whole time. I would like to say she learned an awesome lesson, but I haven't risked taking her back. Actually, I think I called Nate and said "I will never" about that one too!

3. I will never....homeschool. HHHHHAAAAAAA!!! I think if God had given me a picture of my life 11 years after graduating from college it would have been too much for me to handle. I don't know if we will homeschool for forever, but I am confident that it was the right choice for us and for Kingston this year. In our 8 days of school there have been multiple times that I am overwhelmed with confirmation that this was exactly what he needed. And I'm so thankful to witness these moments - the joy when he reads a new word, understands a math concept or is being silly and funny. I love the way his face looks when he is concentrating while writing and relish our time together.

4. I will never....be loud and boisterous. Now let me issue a few disclaimers: some of my favorite people could be described as these two things and I LOVE them. I don't think there is anything wrong with these qualities. I also never made the conscious statement of "I will never be loud and boisterous". It's just that, I've never been that person. Until tonight. On two separate occasions on my kids first Awana night I was a little loud. Just joking, talking etc. As I got into the car I thought about the encounters and cringed, hoping I showed as much grace and kindness as I did volume. As I shut my van door with the kids strapped in back everything came full circle - my kids are loud. It's no wonder I've become a loud talker these days - I'm just trying to be heard over the shrill voices of two small (but mighty) kiddos. So it may not be in my nature to be loud... but I have been nurtured into it!

So after a 9 month blogging drought this was a sort of update/sort of reflection on my night. What have you said "I will never" to and then done? I think I may have uttered this phrase regarding having more children...I'll keep you updated on how that one turns out :)